After knowing I was going to ride a bike 4 f*cking times a day, and after spending some days for culture week in Siem Reap, we arrived to Samrong, our village and later, what we will call "home". 
Meeting new people, meeting our wonderful roomie. 
The room, as described, was very simple: single beds and cold water in the bathroom, which wasn't as bad, 'cause it was hot as hell. 

Arriving in such a place and such a house, you need to adapt very quickly. You tell your story all over again, but the cool thing about traveling like that...you get to be whoever you want. Not that I pretend to be another person or anything like that, but people don't know that you are the most stressful person in the world, what you've been through, or that you have a weird obsession with pimples and letting people know their skin needs exfoliation or hydratation...no, until now, I'm just a Mexican/ French (but still a barang, in khmer, which means "the foreigner" - used during French colonization-) volunteer who comes, like everyone else, to teach.

Adapting doesn't only mean that you will have to take cold showers, or eat white bread for breakfast (i never bought white bread in my etire life), no, it's also about being open- minded, help others if needed (replacing a teacher for example), actually, being available. That's how you know if you are MADE for this, or not. 

In the begining, you are not really a volunteer, because you don't know ANYTHING about the school or the kids. And you don't know anything about healing wounds or actually...TEACHING.

I need to be honest. Back home, I didn't really like kids. I enjoy babysitting or just playing a while, but I'm not really a patient person. Also, I'm not really into teaching. I actually make some fun of teachers because for me they are like soldiers repeating all over again the same shit for kids who will never remember either them, or the subject. Then why go teaching and do such a program!??! Wait for it...wait for it.
As I said, this was "back home". And to answer your question, I wanted to do this because I wanted to challenge myself. To be helpful and useful. To get to know "tiny humans" and be a "good teacher". That's why I choose the program. One part of me also wanted to be remembered.

The first 2 weeks, it was really hard. I put so much pressure on me. I had 33 students and lucky me I spent 1 week with a French girl (from Lyon!) in the classroom, who, after she left, became mine. 
I wanted to be so perfect, and I wanted the kids to not only like me, but to remember the stuff I teach them. 
As I said before, the trip was about finding myslef, finding peace.
But truth is, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THAT. You don't have time to think about you cause i'ts NOT ABOUT YOU. Not anymore. It's about riding the f*cking bike, getting on time, do exercises, correct them, answer "no" after a "teacher go play outside?", screaming names, trying to understand what they don't understand...alot to process at the end of the day...
As I started to feel usless, overwhelmed, stressed, I also started to say to myslef that this will only last 5 weeks and it will be over soon. I didn't hate the program or the kids, don't get me wrong. I just thought it wasn't for me. 

Plus, I started to feel powerless after finding out there were AT LEAST 4 illiterate students in the classroom. I felt terrible and in my head the dialogue was like this: if you help them, the others wil get bored and you don't want that. If you don't, they will remain illiterate forever (?). They have to start all over again, but when? how? Should I tell the principal? Should I do a special program for them? But if I do, I need time, tools, HELP!!!
Most people told me to "relax" because there was nothing I could do. But I just could't. I thought of myslef as a saviour that wanted to change things, but having such difficulties (not enough material, missing my loved ones, not having someone to talk to, the weather, the bike,...) was too much to handle. 


And then, I had several epiphanies, but the first one arrived. It hit me: maybe I did'nt know the name of my 33 tiny humans. Maybe I was trying to impress them. Maybe I was trying to be like their other teacher. Myabe I HAD to relax and ACTUALLY enjoy the present. 'Cause I had 2 choices: either I thought of myslef "stuck" in Cambodia, or either I enjoy it and make a difference, even if it's with one single tiny human. 

This is when you find out that you ARE a volunteer and you fit for the job. Because you care. Because you give a f*ck. 

Let's start since the beginning, and let's face it, I wanted to travel to escape. Escape my city, my reality, the suffering...see something else. 

I got dumped by, as you know him, Bag of Shit. So I was heartbroken, writing my fucking thesis, figuring out what to do with my life. And of course, the thing was, I booked my trip on May. And I left France the 29th of October. So many things were about to happen to me.

First of all, before traveling, I said to myself: no more men, no more Lyon. That was my moto. And just when I thought everything was under control...I met someone. And I thought that it was going to change my perspective of travelling, but in the end, I just enjoyed my trip even more. But that article is about to come.
The thing is, that stuff happen to you when you less expect it, and believe me, all my trip was about unexpected things. 

Why did I choose Cambodia and Bali for my missions and then Myanmar to finish my journey? Well it,s kind of a funny story. When I was in High School, one of my classmates was screaming out loud that he was going to go to Laos and Cambodia. The only thing about Cambodia that I knew about was that there was a temple with a tree falling in it. And that's it. For at least a year, my dream was to go to Cambodia and then, Univeristy and life makes you put that dream in a drawer. It was just when I was in the plane that I realized...sh*it! I'm living my dream! 
For Bali, it was more about the turtles. Since I was a kid I wanted to protect them, and to fight against people who harm them. Also, when I was a kid I always wanted even to open my own protection center in Mexico. Well who knows, one day...right?
Long story short, I wanted to do this in Mexico but since my priority n°1 was to visit countries I haven't seen yet (and I was in Asia already), I searched for a mission and the only one that I found was in Bali.
And for Myanmar...well, that is also a funny story from High School. A friend of my mom came one day at our place to show us pictures of Myanmar. I had NO idea where this place was but it was also on my list of places to go. 
While I was in Pnom Penh and about to take my plane to Bali, Malaysia Airlines refused to take passengers that didn't have a return ticket to exit Bali. So, since I wanted to end my journey alone and knowing that one of my mates was going to Myanmar too, I booked my ticket 10 minutes before the counter closed (not a stressful situation AT ALL).
Voilà the story.

I'ts funny how life leads you exactly where you want to be without you even noticng it...

So, the purpose of my trip was to find inner peace, to find myslef and to face all the challenges that I was about to encounter. And of course, thanks to all that, gain confidence. 'Cause yeah, for the wonderful people I met during my journey, you may have seen me as a mexican sunshine full of sparkle and confidence and...having my shit together. Or at least, that's the image I have of me haha.
But there is this tiiiiiiny thing missing, that is as important as having lungs and a heart, which is confidence. 
So yeah, technically I wanted to travel to gain some of it. Now you know the truth :)

So ok, my trip was booked, my goals were settled...what can go wrong?
Well, there is this aspect that no one tells you about: THE F*CKING MONEY. I was always very envious of all the people who managed to travel so far away and many times of the year. 'Cause maaaan! Even in the cheapest countries, or at least, what us Europeans or Americans believe is cheap, well IT'S NOT. And thank God (?) I know how to manage money and save it, 'cause even breathing sometimes it costs!
And this aspect of saying to youself "is it worth it?" or "it's the only time of my life I will see this or do that..." is sometimes hard. 'Cause you are suppose to enjoy it, you are suppose to be free and mostly, you are supposed to make your own experience, no matter who the hell tells you that life is not about money. 

I really love the spirit of just grabbing a back pag, 3 pair of underwear and 2 shirts, I really do. I even bought a back pag for my first (and not last) trip. But let's face it, you need to be prepared mentally and economically. Ok, I am a stressed person and my whole point is not to plan everything, I actually enjoy not planning things. But enough of this "peace & love" bullshit where you just rent a van, eat whatever you want and travel like everything is ging to be ok. 
Don't get me wrong, I'm not pessimist, I love traveling. I'm just saying that there is some preparation before, during and after traveling and the sooner you get it, the better your experience will be ;)

All these aspects combined, wanting my freedom, going far away to escape and wanting to change made me a traveler, no longer a tourist. But you realize that, of course, when you are comfortably sitting on the plane to go back home...